Be Nice...Until It's Time To Not Be Nice.

Yes, the title here does have a double meaning. In case you live in a cave, or you're Amish, and you haven't seen the classic and most awesome movie "Road House" about 95 times, then you might not recognize that iconic line. And being Amish, you might not have caught the VMA's the other night, as well as the resulting media frenzy about what a douchebag Kanye West is. (Seriously...between Kandouche and Jon Gossedouche, I've heard the word "douche" about 95 times more than I normally like to hear it on the average day....but IS there a more descriptive word? I think not.)

So I stole this pic from Happy Hour Sue, because I thought it was fucking hilarious. And because I wanted to talk about 2 things: Patrick Swayze, and the very bad behavior of this douchebag.

A.) Patrick Swayze *sigh* You know, he wasn't a really great actor, and I never really thought he was particularly handsome. But he was fucking dreamy. He made some goofy movies, most of which I LOVED. And if you ever need a reminder of how cool he really was, check out "The Outsiders". "Dirty Dancing" just about did me in. Johnny Castle. Sam Wheat. Dalton. Bhodi. *sigh* Rest in peace, Patrick. You'll be missed!

B.) That douchebag, Kanye West. How must it feel to be called that by the entire world? How must it feel to be the most entitled person on the planet, to think that you can do something this douchey not once, but twice, on a live awards show stage? You're the king of all douchebags, Kanye. Go fuck yourself.

Oh and p.-fucking-s. : to repeat something I read on Twitter, if MTV had thought Beyonce's video was the greatest video of the decade, they'd have put a fucking ring on it.

Dalton would have known what to do with Kanye, wouldn't he?

Happy Birthday, BabyFab! (aka Not A Real Post)

Yeah, I know this doesn't count as writing my own post, but I DID guest-blog for JennyFabulous. So what? I'm busy...I know girlfriend gave birth and everything this morning....*whatever*. Y'all know I can barely keep up with one blog, much less two.

So head on over and give her some blogger-baby love, won't you?

Welcome, BabyFabulous!

Are You Mocking Me?

Well, you should be. At the very least, you should be mocking my Friday Guest Mock over at Mockable. After that, we can all sit around and mock my motherfucking hair until I can pick a color that doesn't make me look like either a "young 72" or just some crazy methhead who played with the chemicals a little too closely. Sorry....mini hair tangent. I digress.

Why are you still here, and not at Mockable? But come back, because I don't think we're done here.

I think Mimi and Poppa are winding up their Anniversary World Tour soon. I got a voice mail from the Older Brother yesterday, summoning me to Charlotte next weekend for some sort of shindiggery. Uh, a little notice here, anybody? How about the fact that my birthday fell on the date of their actual anniversary...is this a dual celebration? I think not. It will, at best, be a group viewing of 1,974 photographs of the Grand Canyon, and the big President Head Mountain. And of course, you know I will be there, because I only fake bitch about stuff involving my beloved Mimi. Poppa, however, is free game, so I will file all that shit away in the vault for future fun-making. And I'd like to thank all of you for reading her page and commenting! That was pretty cool for her...y'all are the shiznit. Or whatever.

Nick's friend Brian is not really doing any better, only better in the sense that he's not a lot worse. His temp is higher than they'd like, and they're afraid of pneumonia at this point. Please continue to keep him in your thoughts and prayers...the outpouring of support for this kid is phenomenal!

What does everyone have in store for the 3-day weekend? I know that Jenny Fabulous is starting her maternity leave today! It's hard to believe that Baby Fab will be here in a few short days...I am beyond excited to meet this little girl, and I'm honored to have the opportunity to be a part of her life and watch her grow into her person. And y'all know that my non-child-having ass will be spoiling her with all the good shit that only the "cool" aunt can provide (although technically I am her cousin...but let's not quivel, I already have cool aunt cred.)

NNG and I might do a cookout thing at some point this weekend, but we don't really have anything set in stone. It's just a nice weekend to relax and do whatever, or nothing at all. We're both kind of anxious for another weekend getaway, and I think there will be something in the works very soon. (We're going to Denver so one of my new Mockable fans can take us to dinner! Just kidding...for now...thanks for the invitation, though :)

Everyone have a fun and safe holiday!

Nick.

This is my most awesome of nephews, Nick. He's 16 years old, and was the very first of my parents' grandchildren. The Golden Child. I was in love with him from Day One. My first nephew. I love all my nieces and nephews to pieces, y'all know that -- but for whatever reason, this child and I have such a strong bond. He used to come to work with me and be there, bored, for 9 hours, just to hang out with Aunt Elle. He is the funniest person on the planet to me. We will sit and giggle like little girls over the stupidest stuff -- and I will be having the time of my life. I consider it an honor that he thinks I'm super cool. Because he, this beautiful boy, is truly super cool to me.

I'm unclear of a lot of the details, but over the weekend, Nick's best friend Brian was in a tragic accident. He fell from 30 feet and is currently in ICU in Charlotte. He has severe brain and spinal injuries. Last night he had emergency surgery to remove part of his skull to accommodate the swelling of his brain. He's being kept sedated and on a ventilator so that he will not injure his exposed brain. They can't even begin to think about his spinal injury until he is somewhat stabilized, but it's uncertain how far reaching that will be. He does have some feeling in his lower extremeties but it's simply too soon to know if he will walk again, or what kind of lasting effects the brain injury will have. And that, tragically, is the best case scenario.

Nick is understandably devastated. To be so young and to have someone so close to you undergoing something so incredibly devastating just blows my mind. Selfishly, I can't help but be grateful that it isn't my Nicholas lying in that hospital bed. Had it not been for the fact that he was grounded, he would have been with Brian that day, and who knows if he would have found himself 30 feet off the ground along with his friend.

I'm so proud of how he is handling this. Of course he's a wreck, but he's being strong for his friend and has spent countless hours at the hospital even though they won't let him in to see Brian. He just wants to be there. He's a loyal and amazing friend, and my heart is broken for him. I can only hope that he sees that he isn't bulletproof after all, and accidents can happen even when you think you've got everything figured out. There is no reason to take risks that could turn into tragedy.

So if y'all wouldn't mind...could you take a second to send up a prayer, or a positive thought, or whatever it is that brings peace to your life, for Brian and his family, and for Nick, too.

I'd so appreciate it. :)

Wants V. Needs...A Weekend Dilemma

One of the things I am enjoying about my new job is having weekends off. My entire life, I've worked on Saturdays (and sometimes Sundays). It's never really been a big deal, because it's what I know. Plus, it allows me to have a day off during the week to get "normal people" things done -- Dr. appointments, bail proceedings, etc. You know.

Being off on weekends now reminds me of when I was growing up and in school -- that feeling of pure glee on Friday afternoon, knowing that you had the whole weekend ahead of you to do whatever you pleased. My household always felt particularly jovial on Friday evenings, my parents were always in a great mood, dinner was casual, my dad often played his old man big band music extra loud, and it was kinda cool. I haven't felt that for a very long time, until today. I have the whole weekend ahead of me!!

There are bittersweet things that go along with this. NNG is out of town, doing the whole racing thing. (He got to take a friend's Ferrari to VIR this week...and took me for a spin before he left...we were totally Brad and Ange the whole time...it's a heady responsibility.) He lives to drive fast on the racetrack, and the fact that he's getting to drive the Ferrari is heaven on earth for him, so I'm happy that he got to go and have that experience. And if you know me, you know that I do enjoy my alone time -- so yeah, I really miss him when he's gone, but that's ok too. It's nice to have a weekend to myself now and then, and therein lies my dilemma.

My house is a filthy distaster area.

-- and --

I want to go shopping, and get my hair cut and colored, and have a pedicure, sleep late, lay in bed and catch up on all my DVR stuff, and read.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know the outcome of *this* particular weekend.

And while I'm at it, I want to thank everyone who gave me Happy Birthdays on Facebook and Twitter! That was very cool. (See, Efen, if you'd come back to FB or figure out what the hell Twitter is, you'd have known that, and now you wouldn't be struggling to find the most extravagent bouquet available on 1-800-Flowers. But nooooo......).

Best wishes going out to my girl Loni. Most of you know that she's off to FL to see her daddy, who is going through the fight of his life right now. Hang in there, honey.

I'll be back in a few days to let y'all know how clean my house is.....or, not. (Hey, Efen...cancel the flowers, and order me a maid, would ya? Thanks :)

WTF...

.....happened to all my little widgety things, like all your little pics and my tracker thing? All I did was try to change the stupid template and everything went missing. Gah! (Update: never mind!)

Ok, I am cracking up at my beloved Mimi's blogging debut. Please, go read her shit (at least try...it sometimes seems as though she's having one long fluid thought, or else she's been hitting up her "special pop" a little too much on this trip) and leave her comments. It might be easier if you have a nip of special pop yourself before you visit. Today I was sitting in a meeting and my cell phone buzzed with a number I didn't recognize. By the time I got out into the hall to answer, they had left a message. It was from Cathy, the manager from South Dakota who had trained with me in WV a couple of months ago. Mimi and Poppa were in Rapid City and had looked her up in HER store and went in to introduce themselves and say hello. LOL....I thought that was perfect :) I'm sure Cathy was all "WTF?" herself after they left...but you gotta love my mom & dad for shit like that. I'm sure my dad made some corny-assed jokes about Mt. Rushmore or some such nonsense...embarrassing me from thousands of miles away. :)

I'm in Richmond VA, heading home tomorrow....and I haven't had much time to do much of anything but shop here for a bit on my way into town. Very cool place! If it hadn't been 101 degrees, I might have stayed longer...but I'm thinking a weekend trip is in order for a re-shop. Hello, NNG? There's a Red Robin....just sayin'.

Top Chef Las Vegas tonight, and Project Runway tomorrow...throw in some Pinot Grigio and something chocolate and I'm in heaven, bitches. Who's with me here???

A Brief Respite

After 6 weeks of nearly non-stop travel for work, this past weekend I took to the road....again. But this time, it was fun! NNG and I spent a few days in the northern part of WV, and then onto Washington DC over the weekend. In so many ways we're alike -- that whole not liking people thing first comes to mind -- and in other ways we're so NOT. I, for example, am a planner. I'm not normally spontaneous because I have control issues and I don't like surprises. NNG, on the other hand, likes to just go. So we compromised...I think he appreciated the fact that I knew how to book nice hotels from my iPhone, and I appreciated the feeling of not particularly having a plan when we got in the car in the mornings. And we both came home relaxed and ready to start the week. Not a bad deal in my book. Plus, he's cute. And that makes me happy.

Speaking of cute, can we talk about "My Antonio"? I mean, I know it's not classy and cerebral like, oh I don't know..."Real Chance Of Love", but come the eff on, ladies. Have you SEEN this guy? Jeebus.


I'm just sayin'. I mean come ON, after Bret Michaels and Flav, don't we deserve Our Antonio?

I say yes.